The Funny Bone
Welcome to the Urban Legends archive page.
Funny Bone
A Dose of HMO's Own Medicine
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their
life.
Doctor: "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people."
Peter: "That's great. Go ahead into heaven. And what about you, dear?"
Nurse: "I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult."
Peter: "Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. Andwhat about you?"
Health Mainentance Organization (HMO) Director: "I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country."
Peter: "Oh, I see. Please go in...but you can only stay two nights!"
Aging Gracefully
Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your
memory?
Patient: What pills?
Cardiologist's Diet
If it tastes good -- spit it out.
Following Doctor’s Orders
Patient: It’s been one month since my last visit and I’m still feeling awful.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I prescribed you?
Patient: Yes, Doc….the bottle said “keep tightly closed”!
Hourly Rate
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $90.00.
Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like!
Magic Closet
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
OOOPS!
A nurse went in to check her patient, Mr. Johnson in the ICU who
was wearing oxygen in his nose. The nurse kept trying to communicate with him
at his bedside, but all she could get out of him was gasping, garbled talk.
Finally, the nurse gave him a note pad and pen and told him “I
can’t understand what you are saying, Mr. Johnson. Please write it down if you
can”.
Mr. Johnson barely able to scribble on the note pad, “Please get
your foot off my oxygen tube!”
The Reality of Losing Weight
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
The Secret to Longevity?
Linda, out for her morning jog notices a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. She decides to approach him saying, “Wow, I can’t help but notice how happy and peaceful you look!”
She then smiles at him and asks, “So what’s your secret for long and happy life?”
“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and I have never exercised a day in my life”, he replied.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” Linda says. “Just how old are you, sir?”
“Twenty six!”, he replies.
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Funny and True!